ETHAN: So we just moved out to L.A from New York, as many of you know.
And, it's time to do some light grocery shopping.
We've been hearing about Costco quite a bit. Just need a little bit of milk, a couple of eggs and stuff.
So, we thought we'd give Costco a try and just see what's up, dude.
ETHAN: I mean, I know we just came here for some eggs and milk,
But this is a pretty good deal. On these 61XL Black Noir Cartridges for our printer.
I think we should buy this.
(Funky music)
ETHAN: It's fucking John Scarce! He shops at Costco too!
HILA: Hey, what's up guys.
ETHAN: Hey. What up today guys, it's Scarce here, coming out with a new crazy video today.
You won't believe what happened, that's fucking crazy.
*crunch*
SCARCE: We had a bunch of news that went down this morning.
We probably will have a double upload today.
ETHAN: 55 pounds of dog food.
HILA: We don't have a dog.
ETHAN: What?
HILA: We don't have a dog.
ETHAN: Yeah. But it's such a good deal, dude!
It's almost worth buying it.
Look, the 5 dollar rebate at the checkout. Can I get this, Hila? Can I buy this?
HILA: I don't think so.
ETHAN: This is only 85 bucks, dude.
Do I need to - I don't take this one?
Where do I get it?
HILA: Um, I'm not sure.
ETHAN: Do you have a scissor?
I'll come back with scissors and get it.
(Funky music)
HILA: Where do you get all this food?
ETHAN: Hm? Oh, the food court.
I actually wanna lighten up a little bit.
Get some salad.
LADY: Ah, you get 6 in a bag, and you get 42 bags. 12.
ETHAN: 42 bags?
LADY: 12. 12.89.
ETHAN: We're gonna need that.
LADY: 31 cents a bag.
ETHAN: Thank you so much.
Is this too much butter?
Or is that like, the right size?
HILA: Ha. Oh my god.
ETHAN: 5 pounds. 5 pounds of butter.
HILA: I think we're good on the cheese.
ETHAN: You sure? Cause there's more. I can grab some more.
HILA: I think that's about how much cheese I ate in my whole life.
ETHAN: There's only 360 here. I think we need a couple more.
ETHAN: This is only like 5 bucks. So it's not, it doesn't really matter if we throw it all out.
ETHAN: Nothing gives me a rush like getting a good value on cheese.
ETHAN: ...a tub of Philadelphia?
HILA: A what?
ETHAN: A tub.
HILA: Uh, no.
ETHAN: It says here, '3 pound tub'.
ETHAN: It's no longer a little bit of Philadelphia. It's a tub.
You can bathe in this shit.
You could bathe your newborn baby in this tub of Philadelphia once you're done.
HILA: Where did you get all this food?
ETHAN: Why - why are you giving me shit, dude?
It's a normal thing. You come across it, you eat food.
HILA: You're gonna gain like a hundred pounds here.
ETHAN: I'm only at like, ten thousand calories today.
SCARCE: We had a bunch of news that went down this morning.
ETHAN: My stomach doesn't feel great.
It's probably... I had a fruit this morning for breakfast that had like a bruise on it.
I think that's why my stomach hurts.
HILA: Yeah, it's not... It's not this shit.
ETHAN: No, wh-no.
No, we had like a peach that had a soft spot on the side. I know I shouldn't have eaten that.
I'm just having a really good day here. Hila, do you wanna get dinner after this?
So we got eggs. Is that enough? We wanted milk, right?
So, hold on. Let me grab some milk.
I can go back and get more.
It's just too heavy for me.
HILA: I think that's probably enough.
(distorted)SCARCE: Hey, what's up guys. It's Scarce here.
ETHAN: We spent like a thousand fucking dollars.
I thought Costco was supposed to be cheap and have good deals. We spent... a thousand bucks!
All I wanted was some eggs and fucking milk, dude.
Did you know they have a gas station, Hila?
At Costco.
HILA: That's pretty cool.
ETHAN: Is this the entrance to Disneyland?
No. It's the gas station at Costco.
Like gas prices are always something that I found funny.
Cause, if there's a place that's 3 cents cheaper, there'll be a line like this.
If you put 20 gallons in your car, that's a huge take at 3 cents less per gallon. You're looking at 60 cents in savings.
Did I do the math right, Hila?
3 cents per gallon, times, 3 times 20. 60. 60 cents in savings, guys.
People will sit here for like, 30 minutes. For their 50 cent saving in gas.
Well. I'm not better than any of them.
(Funky music)
ETHAN: Both of these guys are pumping it on the wrong side.
HILA: Oh my god.
ETHAN: Look at the other guys.
One, two.
HILA: What is going on here?
ETHAN: I guess when you wait in line for 30 minutes to save 30 cents,
It doesn't attract to the brightest people in the world, maybe.
ETHAN: Can someone explain what the fuck is going on at Costco?
Everybody's pumping gas on the wrong side!
I've never seen this before.
Here! This guy too! Down there!
HILA: Shit.
ETHAN: Everybody's pumping on the wrong side.
People are SO dumb.
Like I said. Really appeals to dumb people.
Costco. Doesn't it?
This is really...
Really stupid people out here, huh?
HILA: Woah!
ETHAN: Wow, these people are really dumb out here at Costco.
Boy, these people out here at Costco are really dumb.
I can't believe these fuck-what happened to me?
I got gasoline all over me?
Fucking... These people are so stupid out here.
*sigh*
This has been a rough day, not gonna lie.
It's been a really hard day for me, personally.
(Sad music)
MICHELLE OBAMA: Wow, Ethan. Great moves. Keep it up. Proud of you.
(Outro music)