♪ ("LAST WEEK TONIGHT" THEME PLAYS) ♪
Moving on. For our main story tonight,
we thought we'd look at the border wall.
One of the more upsetting things to emerge from 2016,
tied of course, with the reboot
of the Gilmore Girls. And I know I'm a little bit late
with this, but just a few notes,
one, who the fuck was Paul? Two, not enough Paris,
three, seriously, who the fuck was Paul?
Four, when did both of these women forget
how to hold mugs? Five, I'm sorry,
Emily says bullshit and tits now?
Not in my Stars Hollow, and finally,
who the absolutely fuck was Paul?
(READS PROMPT)
That aside, you no doubt remember
that Trump's border wall was the key promise
of his first campaign. He talked about it constantly.
Even managing to inadvertently point out
key flaws in the idea, like this.
There's no ladder going over that.
If they ever get up there, they're in trouble.
'Cause there's no way to get down.
Maybe a rope.
Yeah, maybe a rope.
That was Trump, recognizing in real time,
that his signature plan could be completely undone
by thick string. And if that clip
is familiar at all to you, it might be because
when we played it in our first piece on the wall,
four years ago, when I was approximately
fifty years younger. And in that show,
we discussed how the wall seemed,
in addition to being transparently racist,
like it was going to be both expensive and pointless.
Well, I don't know if you've noticed,
but Trump is actually president now.
And has spent the last three-and-a-half years
putting his plan into action. In fact,
just before the pandemic, he was reassuring attendees
at one of his rallies that things were going great.
We'll soon be building many, many miles a week,
but we're up to over 125,
-I guess 127 or 128 mile... -(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
...of the super-duper wall, super-duper.
I'm sorry... The super-duper wall?
That sounds less like a description
of border fencing and more like the name
of an off-brand playset recalled because it collapsed
on a bunch of small children. Listen to me,
do not buy the Super-Duper Wall,
unless you want to wind up with a pile
of cracked fiberglass, and a flattened toddler.
But clearly, the wall is by no means "super-duper."
And while we predicted the whole thing
would be in shambles, the extent to which
that's been true, even we didn't see coming.
Take what happened just this Thursday.
REPORTER: Steve Bannon and three others
are accused of defrauding hundreds of thousands
of people, by personally profiting
off a scheme to raise money to help build
President Trump's border wall.
Yeah. Steve Bannon,
the president's former chief strategist,
was arrested. It's one of those things
that you knew would eventually happen,
but are pleasantly surprised that it happened so soon.
Like Jennifer Lawrence's Oscar win,
or Roger Ailes' death.
And the story behind that arrest
is absolutely fascinating, and I promise
that we'll get into it later in this piece.
But we thought for tonight, especially ahead
of the RNC next week, it'd be a good time
to give you an update on the status
of Trump's border wall. Because, before he took office,
he wanted it to define him as a president.
And that has very much happened, but in none of the ways
that he intended. So let's try and break down
a few things. What he's built,
what damage it's done, and crucially,
who's been doing some of the building.
And let's start with what exactly he has built.
Because, from the start, Trump insisted
that he wanted a concrete wall. Something that many
border patrol agents had advised him against,
because it would block their view
of what was going on behind it.
Yet Trump was still so insistent on it
that less than a year into his term, this happened.
REPORTER 2: President Trump said he wanted
a big, fat, beautiful wall.
These are his 30x30 foot options.
One of these eight contestants could soon stretch
across the border.
There's a chance that one of them--
one of them gets selected, eight of them
get selected, or a mix of their characteristics
get selected, uh, for construction.
Yeah, Trump essentially organized a wall pageant.
And look, if you're gonna hold
a weird contest in the middle of the desert,
at least make it Saudi Arabia's actual
beauty pageant for camels. A real annual event
where the hottest camels are evaluated...
(READS PROMPT)
And you might be thinking, "Wow, that's pretty problematic
to objectify camels like that." But the fact is,
this contest is actually one of the biggest
scholarship opportunities that they have.
And do you really think now is the time to argue
that we need fewer camels in STEM?
Of course not, get real, be an ally.
But it is true, eight prototypes were built
so they could test them to figure out
which would work best, and it didn't go well.
A government report found... (READS PROMPT)
With one having the... (READS PROMPT)
Which is ridiculous. We all know the only wall
that should be in danger of collapsing
is the Super-Duper Wall. I'm serious,
do not buy that wall, it will squish your child
like a panini. So the design
they ended up going with was a wall of slats,
or bollards, topped by a metal,
anti-climbing plate. And Trump did not
like that design, reportedly telling officials,
(READS PROMPT). And I have to say,
he's not actually wrong there.
I don't mean to wall shame, but if I had a list
of hot walls, that one wouldn't even crack
the top 30. This stone wall? Scorching hot.
This wooden one? Call me tomorrow,
you big tease. This human wall?
I think we all know how I feel about that.
Collapse on my chest, you impenetrable barrier.
Crush my rib cage, you load-bearing behemoth.
But this border wall? No thank you,
that's a hard pass from both me and the president.
Still, Trump insists that regardless
of how this wall looks, the important thing is,
it works.
We actually, uh, built prototypes
and we have, I guess you could say,
world-class mountain climbers. We got climbers,
we had 20 mountain climbers, that's all they do,
they love to climb mountains. They can have it.
Me? I don't want to climb mountains,
but they're very good. And, uh,
some of them were champions, and we gave them
different prototypes of walls,
and this was the one that was hardest to climb.
Okay, hold on, 'cause there's no need
for Trump to say, "I don't want
to climb mountains." That was,
and I can't stress this enough, assumed.
If I knew nothing else about Donald Trump,
based solely on his appearance, I'd immediately make
three assumptions, bad knees, weird dick,
doesn't want to climb mountains. He's giving me information
I already have. And obviously,
that claim is bullshit. Not just because
nobody's been able to find those champion climbers,
but also, because of this.
REPORTER 3: President Trump has called
these refurbished walls, "unclimbable."
But this video posted just yesterday on social media
shows two men scaling a replaced portion
of the wall in California.
Yeah, of course, you don't even need a rope
if the wall can basically function
as a fireman's pole. So to recap what we've learned
about walls so far, fuckable, definitely fuckable,
and very-much climbable.
So that is what the wall looks like.
the next question is, where exactly are we building?
Well, as we pointed out in our first piece,
finding places where you can build the wall
is a bit of a challenge. And with presidents,
Clinton, Bush, and Obama, hundreds of miles
of border barrier had already been constructed.
A bunch of the rest of the border
is already covered by natural barriers,
or is on private property. So, what Trump did
was start building in the places
where it was easiest to do that.
Specifically, where barriers were already in place.
In fact, of the... (READS PROMPT)
...only five miles are in locations
where no barriers at all previously existed.
And might be tempted to think, "Oh, well,
then he hasn't really done very much, has he?"
But, Trump's acting secretary of homeland security,
a man named Chad Wolf, pushes back on that claim hard.
When you put up what's behind us,
that's not replacement wall, that is a new wall.
That is a new, physical infrastructure.
I just-- I don't, uh, I don't agree
with the assertion that we're simply replacing wall.
Okay, first, let's deal with the sheer
Chad-Wolfiness of this man.
If I lost all my memories and fell into a coma
for 30 years, opened my eyes and saw him,
the first words out of my mouth would be,
"You must be Chad Wolf." He looks like a model
for a knock-off Top Gun costume
you'd find at Party City called... (READS PROMPT)
He looks like his parents started with the name
Chad Wolf, and then just found a baby to match.
But he is actually right there.
The replacement wall is a completely new
physical infrastructure, I'll show you.
Here is the old barrier in a remote section of Arizona.
And here is the new structure.
Those are very different. Claiming that they're the same
because they're technically barriers
is like claiming that John Cena and I
are the same because we're the exact same age
and we're both named John. Sure, yeah,
on paper there are some similarities,
but when you compare the two side-by-side,
one is gigantic and the other looks like
he might collapse if you press on it too hard.
But crucially, these massive new barriers
are causing significant problems.
Disrupting animals migratory patterns,
and slicing up people's land. And the thing is,
for what? If this is about stopping drugs
or people from entering the country,
it's worth remembering, most of that happens
through our ports of entry. And even the Department
of Homeland Security's own inspector general,
issues a scathing report just last month
saying the administration... (READS PROMPT)
In other words, putting walls
where we've been putting them just doesn't make sense.
And if you want to see just how nonsensical...
new sections are currently going up
along the top of these jagged mountains
in a national wildlife refuge.
Which is just utterly insane.
And this is costing a lot of money.
Mexico, obviously, is not paying for the wall.
Instead, we are, and in the dumbest possible way.
So far Trump has garnered... (READS PROMPT)
But only... (READS PROMPT)
Trump declared a national emergency
at the Southern border, so that he could tap into
Pentagon accounts for the rest.
That redirection of funds diverted money
that had been set aside for things like
replacing an overcrowded middle school
on a Kentucky military base, or repairing a daycare...
(READS PROMPT)
And when asked to justify those decisions,
Senator Lindsey Graham had a pretty amazing rationale.
Let's just say for a moment that he took some money
out of the military construction budget,
I would say it's better for the middle school kids
in Kentucky, to have a secure border.
We'll get them the school they need,
but right now we've got a national emergency
on our hands.
Wow. Everything about that is bad.
From the idea that Trump's national emergency declaration
was justified, which it wasn't.
To the idea that his vanity project
is better for middle school kids that a new school,
which it is not, to that tie,
it looks like a candy cane that melted on his shirt.
It looks like the tie that Santa Claus wears
to elf funerals. It's the worst thing
in that shot, which is really saying something,
'cause that shot also includes Lindsey Graham.
And that brings us to our final question:
Who is building this? Because the answers to that
are actually a little surprising.
Just look at one of the companies
that was invited to take part in that
America's Next Top Wall in the Desert competition,
Fisher Sand and Gravel. The head of the company,
Tommy Fisher, knows how to curry favor
with Trump. Here he is
on Laura Ingraham's show giving him the hard sell.
If he allows us to play in our team of Fisher Industry
to play, I guarantee I'm no different that Tom Brady.
Once we get in, we never come out,
and if we don't perform the president can fire us
and that's how comfortable and confident I am...
-I love it. -...when people see
-what we really offer. -I love it.
Not taking sides on which prototype is best,
but this is why you're a good businessman.
I love it!
I didn't think Laura Ingram was capable of
that level of delight, but it turns out
her love language is white men begging for attention
because that man is thirsty as fuck.
"I'll wait for you, Daddy.
Just like that Tom Brady you like,
and if I don't, you can fire me like you used to on TV."
And that was by no means Fisher's only appearance on FOX.
He went on the network ten times
to praise the president and sell his wall.
And these appearances seem to have had an effect
because what both DHS and the Umicore of engineers
actually turned down Fisher's initial wall designs
because they didn't meet operational requirements.
Fisher's company was, nevertheless,
added to a small list of pre-approved bidders
thanks to personal pressure from the president.
according to one of the senators
from Fisher's home state, "Liked fisher because
he'd seen him on television." And of course he did.
Trump's like a shut-in who sits at home all day
and orders what he sees on FOX commercials,
but instead of ordering Legends XL
male enhancement pills, he picks companies
to build a giant wall across the border.
But just as with boner pills, you shouldn't just buy something
'cause you saw it on TV.
You might wanna at least Google it first
because Fisher's company had a lot of obvious red flags.
REPORTER 4: Fisher's been hit with lawsuits.
One from the federal government for sexual discrimination
in New Mexico. It settled for 150 grand.
The company and the founder's son
were both accused of tax fraud in 2009.
The son pleaded guilty.
The company paid more than a million in back taxes.
Wow.
So, they cheated to get ahead, got caught,
and yet they're still around.
Turns out they really are the Tom Brady
of the construction industry. But wait, there's more.
Over the years, they've also racked up
two thousand violation notices from city, county, state,
and federal regulatory bodies including 469 criminal charges
for violations in Phoenix, where the company
ran an asphalt plant.
Charges only reduced to civil penalties after Fisher agreed
to permanently close it. But wait, I'm still not done.
Local government officials have rejected their bids
on contracts after considering, among other things...
(READS PROMPT)
And sexual harassment, tax fraud, federal violations,
and child pornography.
Isn't that a great list for a company vying to receive government money?
It's not even a great list for the Ozark season four
writer's room. Guys, guys, that's too much.
Not even Jason Bateman can make those crimes likable.
And yet, Fisher was incredibly savvy
about how to appeal to Trump.
Not just with his constant TV appearances,
but also by hooking up with We Build The Wall.
That is the non-profit organization
that led to Steven Bannon's arrest on Thursday.
It was founded by a veteran named Brian Kolfage,
and it took money from individual donors
with a promise that it would build new sections of wall
on private land.
It even had a fundraising wall-a-thon featuring
a star turn from a man calling himself Foreman Mike.
We Build A Wall construction. They are real.
We need your help. We need to get donations in.
If you wanna start, you can buy
a bollard panel.
Put your name on it for eternity because you're not gonna
last forever. Five thousand dollars.
And if you can't do that, get yourself a brick.
It lasts forever as well.
With your name, your family, your girlfriend.
Whatever you wanna put on it, you need to donate today.
Okay. That's a lot to digest there.
Because despite what you may think,
Foreman Mike is not a promo for a new WWE character
whose signature move is the chaotic sales pitch.
In fact, he isn't even the foreman on the project.
Just as We Build The Wall construction is
not a real construction company.
He's just some guy they used to fundraise,
so he can grunt about personalized bricks,
which I do admit are a great idea
'cause we all know the best way to deter someone
crossing the border is for them to see the message...
(READS PROMPT)
And as ridiculous as that may seem,
We Build The Wall raised 25 million dollars,
and yet, according to this week's indictment,
quite a bit of that money wound up getting redirected
back to Bannon and Kolfage who, along with others...
(READS PROMPT)
With Bannon allegedly using money... (READS PROMPT)
...and Kolfage allegedly spending funds on...
(READS PROMPT)
And look, Bannon and Kolfage denied those charges,
but definitely paints this moment
from this Wall-a-thon in a very different light.
Welcome back. This is Stephen K. Bannon.
We're off the coast of St. Tropez
in southern France in the Mediterranean.
We're on the million-dollar yacht
of Brian Kolfage.
And Brian Kolfage took all that money from Build A Wall.
No. We're actually in Sunland Park, New Mexico.
(LAUGHS) I get it. I get it.
Joking about stealing people's money is funny
because you know what they say?
All great jokes have an element of truth in them.
Now, Trump was anxious this week to distance himself
with We Build The Wall. Saying...
(READS PROMPT)
Which is a hard to believe because here is Kolfage
with Don Jr. where he described We Build The Wall as...
(READS PROMPT)
...and here's Trump ally Kris Kobach on the group's
own YouTube page being pretty unequivocal about
where the president stood.
I was speaking with the president,
and we were talking about a variety of issues.
And, uh, the topic came up--
I mentioned that I was working with We Build The Wall,
and he said, "Well, you tell the people you are working with
that this project has my blessing."
And he went further. He said,
"I want the media to know that this project
has my blessing."
He was really making a point that he was behind this.
Yeah. Of course he was.
I'm just surprised that Kobach didn't continue.
"This president wanted you to know
he's completely behind this wall scam until it fails.
Then you will not be able to reach him,
and he won't have heard of you. That's just how this guy works."
And look, to be fair, some of that 25 million dollars
they raised did go to construction.
Specifically, they said they gave
around 10 million of it to Tommy Fisher's company.
Most of it to build that private wall in New Mexico
that you saw a guy named Mike
banging with a hammer, and that wall does appear
to feature some personalize bricks.
Like this one that Kolfage excitedly put on Instagram
which says... (READS PROMPT)
...which is just fucking disgusting.
The group also helped fund another Fisher wall
built directly along the Rio Grande
which Fisher referred to as the Lamborghini of walls.
Claiming that... (READS PROMPT)
Although it seems to be conking out around 149 years
ahead of schedule.
REPORTER 5: A Pro Publica and Texas Tribune investigation found erosion
beneath the foundation of a stretch of wall in Texas.
That stretch was just built in January of this year
by Fisher Sand and Gravel.
I'm just doing this with one hand.
Not exerting myself.
Okay. So, it turns out it really is the Lamborghini
of walls in that as soon as you get near it,
the owner yells, "Hey, please don't touch that!
It'll lose value and you could break it."
While I have to tell you, Fisher's attorney
has told reporters that... (READS PROMPT)
It seems there are issues fucking coming up
because experts have said... (READS PROMPT)
So, to recap:
Fisher Sand and Gravel is a company
with a checkered past that partnered with
a shady non-profit whose backers are now under indictment
for skimming money for their own uses.
In ordered to have a foreman who's not the actual foreman
help build a wall that looks like it may either
collapse or get pushed over.
And if you know anything about this administration,
it will not surprise you to learn
that Fisher has now wound up with over two billion dollars
in border building contracts.
They're now one of the biggest contractors
the government has hired for this project.
And the thing is, should Trump be reelected
all of this is only gonna accelerate.
In fact, his administration seems to be stepping up it's efforts.
Attempting to take private land by filing
more eminent domain lawsuits during the pandemic
than any other time in his presidency.
And they're also using a provision tucked into
the Real ID Act of 2005 giving the administration
the power to waive all legal requirements necessary
to construct the wall, and that means
it's not bound by environmental or cultural heritage protection laws,
which has enabled them to plow through
Native American communities with devastating effects.
REPORTER 6: Construction crews in southern Arizona conduct
a controlled blast earlier this year
along Monument Hill.
MAN: Fire in the hole.
REPORTER 7: The same day of the detonations in February,
the Tahona Authem Tribe's chairman sat before congress.
It's hard to see the blasting that you showed
on the video today.
That area is home to our ancestors.
And by blasting and doing what we saw today,
I was totally disturbed.
Totally forever damaged...
(VOICE CRACKS) Our people--
That's horrible.
AS that man told Congress... (READS PROMPT)
And I would like to think that that's something
Trump knows would be wrong, but who knows.
Given that he had people teargassed,
so he could stand outside a church holding a Bible
with an expression like he just fucked his wife.
And the devastation caused by this wall
was completely predictable.
I know that because we literally predicted it.
And believe me, this is the last thing I wanted to say
I told you so on.
I'd much rather have said that about fact that
I knew Pete and Ariana weren't gonna make it.
Or that a Crockpot would be the killer on This Is Us.
Or the fact that I knew the Babadook was gay
as soon as I saw him. Come on, guys.
The hat.
But even I didn't see some of this coming.
From the pointlessness of a beauty contest in the desert
all the way through a sketchy charity
selling personalized bricks.
All of this was even stupider than I thought was possible
because the fact is this wall is not a functional barrier.
If it's anything, it is a fucking monument to Trump,
which actually makes more sense.
Because we all know that he is completely obsessed
with his legacy.
Trump reportedly asked South Dakota's governor
how he could be added to Mount Rushmore.
While that is clearly not gonna happen,
for one thing it's impossible to carve stone
into whatever fucking shape his hair is,
he also doesn't need it. Because this is his monument.
And if, perhaps, nothing more emblematic
of his presidency than this wall.
It's destructive, pointless, ineffective, racist, weak,
and something that the damages of which we're gonna have
to be dealing with for a very long time.
That's our show. Thank you so much for watching.
See you next week. Goodnight.